Monday, January 31, 2011

Sorry, I Couldn't Hear You. Your Shirt Is Too Loud.

I have a few beefs with current fashion, and how the mainstream population are rocking it. Whenever I drive around or walk through town, my eyes are assaulted by at least one member of the public wearing an outfit that they just shouldn't. Granted, it may be a trendy outfit, but the lesson that we all need to learn is - trends aren't for everyone. Certain trends suit certain figures, and it pays to have honest friends when you go shopping. It can save much heartache and confusion when passersby fall to the ground, screaming and clawing at their eyes.



Yes, I know that it's summer. Yes, I know that denim is a wardrobe staple. However, I do not need to be exposed to that much of you. I also do not need to see you pull the shorts down from between your legs where they have been riding up. Short shorts do suit some people - these are those magical people that have nice, shapely legs, and little to no cellulite. If you insist on wearing short shorts, put them over some tights or leggings. Looks fab, and doesn't scare small children.



There seems to be some sort of misconception that leggings are pants. They are not. They're like tights, with foot holes.They work well under dresses and skirts. Leggings do not cover any of the following: visible panty lines, muffin tops, jiggly bits. Just because you've covered your thighs with fabric does not mean that they won't jiggle when you walk. It just means that you'll distract people because the pattern on your leggings has now become one of those magic eye things.

Like short shorts, leggings actually DO suit some people. These people make up about 2% of the population.



This is a trend that has just taken off in the past few years. And the thing is, some of the people committing the cardinal sin with it have great figures. They just don't take into account the fact that hipster pants create that most unappealing of fashion no-no's - the muffin top. It's so easy to do - I'll admit that I've probably rocked a muffin top a few times because I just REALLY WANTED to wear that particular outfit. Now, I don't care if the waistband of my pants comes halfway up my stomach; I will have smooth lines only. If all you have to do is wear a pair of pants that sit an inch higher than hipsters in order to achieve this, why would you do otherwise? And don't even get me started about the over-exposure of people's butts...



I was thinking about this is regards to those lacy singlets that are around at the moment. You can't just wear those straight over a bra - you need to think this through. Wear a singlet underneath. Try that crazy u-shaped bra. I don't know - do SOMETHING. I do not need to see the pattern on the cups of your bra, nor do I need to see the old, saggy elastic on the back of it. I understand that occasionally a bra strap may make itself known. That's cool. It happens to the best of us. The rest of your bra, however, should remain a secret to you, and you only. I don't need to be able to tell the exact cup size of a complete stranger, merely because I can see the label on the back of it. Keep it to yourself people.

Upon trawling the internet for images for this blog post, I came across something brilliant (as well as lots of scary things that I'm desperately trying to forget that I saw). This lass has written a great post on jeggings. It's funny, because it's true.

What's your pet fashion hate? What keeps you awake at night, trying to erase it from your mind's eye?


  1. You are soooo right!!! Love how you have made me feel like I'm not the only one that thinks this...


  2. ewwww, and bahahaha so true ;)

  3. ha ha ha this post is great! i mostly hate leggings as pants. girls have got guts these days to be giving it a go, unfortunately they're got both kinds of guts and we don't all wanna see that wobble. talk about leaving nothing to the imagination.

  4. Haha good post. I can still see all those muffin tops oozing over pants, with short tops, stretch marks, bum cracks eww ....


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