Sorry, I Couldn't Hear You. Your Shirt Is Too Loud.

I have a few beefs with current fashion, and how the mainstream population are rocking it. Whenever I drive around or walk through town, my eyes are assaulted by at least one member of the public wearing an outfit that they just shouldn't. Granted, it may be a trendy outfit, but the lesson that we all need to learn is - trends aren't for everyone. Certain trends suit certain figures, and it pays to have honest friends when you go shopping. It can save much heartache and confusion when passersby fall to the ground, screaming and clawing at their eyes.

SHORT SHORTS

Yes, I know that it's summer. Yes, I know that denim is a wardrobe staple. However, I do not need to be exposed to that much of you. I also do not need to see you pull the shorts down from between your legs where they have been riding up. Short shorts do suit some people - these are those magical people that have nice, shapely legs, and little to no cellulite. If you insist on wearing short shorts, put them over some tights or leggings. Looks fab, and doesn't scare small children.

LEGGINGS

There seems to be some sort of misconception that leggings are pants. They are not. They're like tights, with foot holes.They work well under dresses and skirts. Leggings do not cover any of the following: visible panty lines, muffin tops, jiggly bits. Just because you've covered your thighs with fabric does not mean that they won't jiggle when you walk. It just means that you'll distract people because the pattern on your leggings has now become one of those magic eye things.

Like short shorts, leggings actually DO suit some people. These people make up about 2% of the population.

HIPSTER PANTS

This is a trend that has just taken off in the past few years. And the thing is, some of the people committing the cardinal sin with it have great figures. They just don't take into account the fact that hipster pants create that most unappealing of fashion no-no's - the muffin top. It's so easy to do - I'll admit that I've probably rocked a muffin top a few times because I just REALLY WANTED to wear that particular outfit. Now, I don't care if the waistband of my pants comes halfway up my stomach; I will have smooth lines only. If all you have to do is wear a pair of pants that sit an inch higher than hipsters in order to achieve this, why would you do otherwise? And don't even get me started about the over-exposure of people's butts...

BRA-SHOWING OUTFITS

I was thinking about this is regards to those lacy singlets that are around at the moment. You can't just wear those straight over a bra - you need to think this through. Wear a singlet underneath. Try that crazy u-shaped bra. I don't know - do SOMETHING. I do not need to see the pattern on the cups of your bra, nor do I need to see the old, saggy elastic on the back of it. I understand that occasionally a bra strap may make itself known. That's cool. It happens to the best of us. The rest of your bra, however, should remain a secret to you, and you only. I don't need to be able to tell the exact cup size of a complete stranger, merely because I can see the label on the back of it. Keep it to yourself people.

Upon trawling the internet for images for this blog post, I came across something brilliant (as well as lots of scary things that I'm desperately trying to forget that I saw). This lass has written a great post on jeggings. It's funny, because it's true.

What's your pet fashion hate? What keeps you awake at night, trying to erase it from your mind's eye?

Fiddlesticks

Yesterday I picked up a wonderfully 90's dress in the op-shop, and my head was filled with visions of alterations and all sorts of excitement that could make it acceptable for public viewing. Granted, my alteration skills aren't fantabulous - my skills extend only as far as taking things up, letting them out, and mending them. This project was a little ambitious for me.

BEFORE

Please note:

• Shoulder pads that create a shoulder span enviable of any American footballer
• Gaping buttons over... bodice area
• Flattering length that makes me look like someone's well-intended spinster aunt
• Cute fabric

I was so excited about its potential that by the time I got home I had a killer headache and had to have a little nap. Until this morning. But today, after my Sunday morning laze about and coffee out on the patio, I got straight into that sucker.

1. Removed the shoulder pads (such a shame really. I enjoy looking like I could balance pint jugs on my shoulders).
2. Cut the sleeves off, leaving an inch of fabric to be folded under the edge to create the new hem.
3. Added darts to the bodice - those shoulders REALLY didn't want to stay down.
4. Folded back the top of the neckline, to create a collar-type effect.
5. Sewed buttons back onto the outside of the collar, to create a feature. Yeah, a feature. I'm so fancy that I astound myself sometimes.
6. Took the length up.

And this is what I ended up with:

AFTER

Collar

The neckline now sits really nicely, and I'm so pleased with myself for actually doing it that I skipped through the house a few times, forcing Susie to praise me. I didn't even have to unpick anything that I'd done! Now, that's what I call an accomplishment.

I've also finished Jake's mobile phone cosy. As anticipated, it was very fiddly. What was not anticipated was which bit would be fiddly. The applique was the part that I was concerned about. And yes, it was fiddly, but easy enough to do. The body, however... led to me using MA+ rated language, and smoking furiously on the patio several times. I won't go in to what went wrong, but suffice it to say that I'm not as good at using maths as I think I am.

I'm really happy with the finished product, and through years of counselling and help from friends, I will slowly but surely recover from the trauma of making it.

Image from deviantart

Fill In The Blanks

Hello and egad. I am excited about going back to NSW in 1 week and 3 days for a holiday (but who’s counting? Oh that’s right – I am). While I’m there, I plan on eating my body weight in sushi and Krispy Kreme. In preparation for my trip, I am planning on making a hair straightener cosy, altering what I am referring to as my summer dresses, and have called my friends and told them that they’d better be excited to see me. In the meantime, I will bore everybody to death by talking about my trip.

The countdown is on, and I’m positively gleeful about the whole thing. There are a few things on my to-do list that I’m hoping to get done before I go though.

1. Organise a craft room (DONE!)

Susie and I turned the spare room into a bonafide craft room. It’s fan-snazzy. We spent one day last week using the hand trolley, and carting random crap…. I mean, beloved items from my family's past… down to the basement. We then set up the trestle table, my stereo, some incense, and all other manner of necessary crafty items in the room.

It’s still looking a little un-crafty in there because Susie wants to be able to easily convert it into a guest room if people come to stay. I plan on stealthing arty-facts in there while she’s not looking.

2. Make Jake’s birthday present

My friend Jake has requested a handmade birthday present – a mobile cosy with a dragon on it. I spent a few days debating how I was going to do it (appliqué, embroidery, fabric paint, gluing a picture from a magazine on it and pretending that that’s an awesome art style), and decided upon appliqué, with fabric paint as a Plan B. I started it yesterday, and it seems to be going well so far. It was reeeeally fiddly, and wasn’t helped by the fact that I had too much caffeine yesterday. It’s a pretty small design, but I patiently sat and hand-stitched the edges. And my fingers. Now I’m just hoping that I don’t stuff up the rest of it…

3. Make a straightener cosy

I came across this fab (and really clever) tutorial on how to make a heat-resistant case for your hair straightener. It’s so simple and obvious that I was tempted to slap my forehead once I read it. Why didn’t I think of that?

4. Alter and mend some clothing

I’ve already got a head-start on this one, and only have a few little bits and pieces left to do. Hurrah for a completely thrifted wardrobe! This is one that I prepared earlier.

Do I look like I work in a bank? Yes, I do. Do I love it? Yes. Yes, I do.

It Was Love At First Sight

No, really, it was. The moment I laid eyes on her, I knew that she was the one. All thoughts of witty repartee and casual conversation flew from my head. My eyes glazed, my heart started beating faster, and I may have even drooled a little bit. Not the most impressive of responses, but I just know that she felt it too. She sat there waiting for me to come to her, and I was drawn across the room. She’s quirky, comfortable to be around and a little worn around the edges, but I know I can do right by her. I knew that I couldn’t leave without her – if I left there was a chance that I’d never see her again.

So I paid my $3.50 and walked out of Vinnies with a massive grin on my face.

I’m going to be doing some minor alterations on this – taking it up, and removing at least part of the bodice insert - but otherwise she’s just perfect *sigh*

PS. I'm no good with these fashion photo shoot things, so a cheesy grin is what you get. Don't judge me.